Forever And Always
by ThePandoricaWillOpen
Summary: Nathaniel knew Anders couldn't stay in one place for too long. It wasn't his way. But he hoped... he hoped his love would be enough to change that. He was wrong. *M/M* (Complete)


I do not own Dragon Age, that right goes to BioWare and EA.

Characters: Anders and Nathaniel

Setting: Vigil's Keep

Summary: Nathaniel finds the ring he gave Anders. The ring that promised they would be together always, their engagement ring. He knows what this means and he wants answers.

**Bold **means Anders is thinking.

_Italicized _ means Anders (3-rd person).

Regular is Nathaniel's 3-rd person

I hope it isn't too confusing...Enjoy!

* * *

><p><span>Forever and Always<span>

He found the gold band on his pillow as he entered his room. For a moment, he thought it was his but as he quickly checked his hand he saw that it wasn't. It had to be Anders'. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, Nathaniel picked up the ring and twisted over in his finger. "Forever and always" it read. Next to it a small Ʌ indicating it was indeed Anders'. He must have forgotten it this morning, Nathaniel assured himself. But he knew, he knew what this meant. He felt it in the pit of his stomach: Anders was leaving him. Anders was breaking his heart, like he promised to do so.

He sat on the bed, the band still in his hand. He stared at it as if it alone could provide him with the missing link. Why? Why now? What had happen since last week when he proposed?

Unbidden, tears began to form. Angry with himself, with the world, everyone but Anders, Nathaniel wiped them off with the back of his hand. His vision blurred more as he stood to get answers from his lover, his fiancé, his Anders.

One hundred and eighty-eight steps, Nathaniel remembered as he arrived at Anders' room. He stood there, his throat closed up and he began to tremble. That stupid, stupid Mage, he thought to himself over and over again. For a second time, he angrily wiped away the tears that fell from his eyes. He could hear the scuffling of shoes coming from the room, Anders as he paced. He took another deep breath to _once again steady himself before turning the doorknob._

_Anders stood in front of the large window that over looked the guard quarters. His left hand was on the window frames; his other was hidden from Nathaniel's view. Anders' honey brown eyes looked at Nathaniel's reflection on the window but he didn't turn._

Nathaniel closed the door and sat on Anders' freshly made bed. So many questions entered his mind but as he tried to say them his throat would constrict. Letting the tears fall free, Nathaniel clasped his hands together and brought them to his face, thumbs covering his mouth to keep himself from gasping out loud.

_Anders just stood there, all six feet of cool demeanor; he stared at Nathaniel through the reflection. He couldn't face Nathaniel, it would make this all the more harder. He saw Nathaniel open his mouth as if to say something before closing it and rubbing his temples. He wanted to say something, anything, to make his pain go away. But it wasn't that easy. Leaving never was. He thought he'd be good at it, he'd escaped from the tower so many times before. But when he placed that gold wedding band on Nathaniel's pillow earlier that morning, he'd began to realize how incredibly stupid he was being. He couldn't leave Nathaniel, not for all the freedom in the world. _

"You're leaving," Nathaniel finally said in a low whisper. "You are actually leaving."

_Anders nodded. He had nothing to say, not anymore. He'd let his heart pour itself out in a letter that he had left in Nathaniel's desk. He had nothing to say, not anymore, and surely not to his face. No, it was done. It had all been decided. He was to leave. He had to. For Nathaniel's sake, for all the mages in Thedas, he had to leave. _

"Why?" Nathaniel asked, his voice barely above a whisper. "Why now?"

_**Why? Because I love you. Because I can't let you see me, not like this. Not when I may loose myself to more than just the taint,**__ Anders wanted to say. He wanted to yell out, clasp Nathaniel's hand and beg him to come with him. But he knew he couldn't. It wasn't part of the plan. __**Neither was falling in love with him, yet I did. **_

"Why?" Nathaniel demanded. He stood up and paced. Why didn't Anders turn and answer him? "WHY?"

"I can't do this anymore," Anders told him softly. "I have to leave. For your sake and mine."

_**I love you**__, Anders wanted to yell, __**give me a reason, any reason, and I will stay. Any reason and I will stay.**__ He turned slowly, his eyes begging. __**Any reason, please Nathaniel.**_

"You can't leave me!" Nathaniel yelled. "Not now!"

"This isn't about you, Nathaniel," Anders told him.

_**It is about me, it always has been. **_

"No!" Nathaniel turned, index finger pointing at Anders. "This is about me. Everything you do, every single thing, concerns me. You are me, I am you! Do you not see that?"

"Nate-"

"No!" Nathaniel ran his hand through his hair, pulling at it. "You can't leave." He through a stack of books, that Anders had on his dresser, to the floor. "I love you."

"I-" _**I love you too, more that you'll ever know. **_"I never loved you."

Nathaniel turned on his heals and looked at the mage in front of him. His face was blank everything about him was blank, almost chillingly so. "Don't say that," Nathaniel begged. He clutched his aching heart through his think leather armor. "Don't say that, not after all of this."

Anders looked down at the floor and whispered, "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" Nathaniel cried out. He lounged himself at Anders, pushing him harshly on the floor. He pressed his arm down on the mage's neck and pushed. His life could end right here and now, Nathaniel knew this and still he pressed his arm on his neck. Anders stayed on the floor, his face still blank, emotionless.

_Anders looked up at his attacker, his lover. __**Do it, please Nate, just do it.**__ But he knew Nathaniel wouldn't. He loved him too much to end his life. Anders brought his hands up and cradled Nathaniel's face. Nathaniel spattered before leaning down and placing a heartfelt kiss upon his lips. Anders held him closer, unwilling to let him go so fast. _

_Tears pooled around his eyes as Nathaniel bit his lower lip, asking for entrance. He opened his lips and let him in, their tears mixing as much as their tongues were. Anders pulled his hands away from Nathaniel's face and quickly removed the others armor. _

Still kissing, Nathaniel took his armor off and threw it on the floor. This would be their last moment together. And he was going to make sure it stayed in the mage's memory for the rest of his life. He took his shirt off and lunged it away. His lips left Anders' and nibbled at the junction in his shoulder, making Anders moan. His hands untied Anders' robe and pushed it aside re-introducing the mage's body to his hands. He touched him, kissed him, hungrily.

_Nathaniel's lips planted slow languid kisses along his chest; his hands pulled his legs apart. He positioned himself between his legs, the ties to his breeches rubbing Anders' growing erection. _

Nathaniel ran his hands over Anders' back and gripped his firm arse. He pulled Anders' closer to him, their erections pressing against each other. With his other hand, Nathaniel untied his pants. His lips returned to Anders'. This time there was a hunger to the kiss, Nathaniel wanting desperately to change Anders' mind. Finger clawed at his back, and Anders moaned. His soft, low moans soon turned louder as Nathaniel bit his lower lip.

_Anders turned his face away from Nathaniel. He couldn't let this continue, it would only break his heart later on. He tried to push Nate off, but the rogue pushed him harshly on the floor, his head almost bounding off it. Nathaniel licked his lips before nibbling down the line of Anders' stubbly jaw, moving down to his collarbone. Completely exposed and powerless, Anders closed his eyes in pleasure and let his mind take note of every single thing Nathaniel did to him._

"Anders…" Nathaniel murmured against Anders' against skin. He stopped for a moment, noticing Anders had closed his eyes. "Should I stop?"

"Oh, Maker. Please don't stop, Nate."

That was all Nathaniel needed. He quickly wrapped his arms around the mage, firmly grasping Anders' arse before running his hands over Anders' broad chest. He ran a single finger down his mid-section, Anders arched at the sensation, and encouraged Nathaniel bent his head to lay a series of kisses down over his ribcage. Nathaniel's hand slid in behind the tight little ponytail, and with a gentle kiss, he moves downwards.

_Anders glanced up. Nathaniel was dipping his head down and breathing across the fabric of his bulge. Soon, Nate started to nudge his nose, then cheek across the growing bulge teasing Anders. He lifted his hips from the dirty floor, and Nate hooked his fingers over the band of the smalls, dragging them slowly down his thighs._

Nathaniel positioned himself over the head of the engorged, pulsating flesh before him. Hot air from his mouth seemed to overcome Anders and he saw his member pulse with hope. Breathing heavy, Nate growled, before taking the tip in his mouth.

_Anders inhaled big lungful's of air in between gritted teeth, and let the slick heat slip around his cock, as Nathaniel began to tease him even more. _

The rogue gagged, and struggled to draw breath as he realized that this would be the last time he would make love to Anders.

_The fluttering of Nate's throat, and the way he shook, pushed all coherence from the Anders' mind. _

Soon Nathaniel started a punishing pace, bringing his other hand up to also tangle in the blonde hair, hips jerking as he swallowed more and more of Anders' length.

_He spilled himself inside Nathaniel's mouth with a groan. Nathaniel sucked and ate up all of it. His gray eyes looked up at Anders as he removed his mouth from the now limb cock. _

Nathaniel looked at Anders. His eyes were still filled with lust but there it was again, the blank face. Nathaniel moved from between Anders' legs and pushed himself against the wall.

"You are still going to leave, aren't you?" He asked sadly.

_**I don't want to. I **_**have**_** to do this, Nate.**_

"Yes," Anders replied pulling his smalls up and dressing himself. Nathaniel remained shirtless and on the wall.

"Please," Nathaniel begged. "Please don't do this."

"Come with me!" Anders yelled. "We can be together elsewhere. Somewhere away, somewhere else."

"What good would that do?" Nathaniel asked. "What good does running away ever do?"

"I'm not running away," Anders said.

"Your not?" Nathaniel stood up. "You're not running away from your responsibilities? From me?"

"I have to," Anders replied slowly. "You don't understand."

"Then make me understand!" Nathaniel yelled taking a step towards him. "Help me understand why it is you need to leave. I beg you to!"

Nathaniel tried to reign in his anger- and sadness- but couldn't. Ander was leaving him: he was going away. Nothing he could say would change that. He wouldn't feel the touch of his hands, the feel of his skin as they united in instant gratification. He would never hear him murmur his name softy as Nathaniel took him in. His lips would never graze Nathaniel again; his eyes would never look at him through half closed lids.

"No." Anders took a step back. _**He can't know! He'll try to stop me!**_

_Already his resolve was crumbling; already he felt those piercing gray eyes drilling holes into his face, waiting for an explanation, anything to give him the façade of hope. But Anders couldn't: if he did he himself would hold on to that hope. He wouldn't do that not. He had to go and soon. _

Nathaniel's breath caught in his throat. He looked down at his hands. Both gold rings were on his finger. Briefly, he remembered the glee he had felt when he'd bought them in Amaranthine all those months ago. He'd known, only weeks after he'd realized that Anders felt as he did, that he wanted to be with him for the rest of his life. He had the rings ordered and the next time they'd gone to Amaranthine, he picked them up. In their little red cases, they'd shined brightly, as brightly as their future, Nathaniel had thought. Carefully, he took them both off and presented them to Anders. "Take them."

"Nate," Anders said uncertain.

_When Nathaniel removed the rings from his finger, Anders felt his heart plunged to the floor. The ring was a fake; Anders had the real one in his pocket. He made a duplicate, not wanting to part with the real one. The one Nathaniel gave him was too special to him. It was the first present someone had given him out of love._ _He looked at the duplicate, next to Nathaniel's, and his heart stopped. Any moment now he would break down. He would fall to the ground and reveal everything to Nathaniel. He felt it in his veins. _

"Take them," Nathaniel said pressing the rings into Anders hands. "It will remind you of what we have."

Nathaniel held his hand out, the rings in his palm. He saw Anders flinch when he took them off and internally chastised himself for hurting him. No matter how much Anders was hurting him, he could never hurt Anders. He could torture everyone he loved and Nathaniel wouldn't do anything. Anders was his life, even after all this.

"I don't understand, Nate." Anders confessed.

"I," Nathaniel took a deep breath, "I will be here, whenever you may choose to return."

"Wha-"

_Anders was taken aback. Was he dreaming? Was this all an elaborate scene fabricated by his mourning mind? No, Nathaniel's hand in his felt real enough. He took the rings and gripped Nathaniel's hand. He would come back, one day. _


End file.
